I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
