Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
