I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
