can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
