Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
