you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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