Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
