The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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