are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
