The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
