I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
