dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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