lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
