I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
