woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
