Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
