we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
