i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
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we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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