I just threw up on my dentist
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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