she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
