If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
