I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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