if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Never let your siblings swipe right.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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