Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
