I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
