Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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