another moral hangover. fuck.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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