My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
