I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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