6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
