Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize