I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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