im holly from the hills drunk
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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