Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
