my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
