Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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