honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
