I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
