Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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