I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
