He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize