addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
