Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
