6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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