I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize