I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
