I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
