I seem to have left my pride at pride
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
