I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am in a vortex of obligation.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
