I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
