Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
