Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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