We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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