Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
