Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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