As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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