I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
