Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
