and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
