I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
