; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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