Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
