i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
