OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
