dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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