Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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