So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
