They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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