I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
