My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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