JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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