I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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