He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
These tits shall not be calmed
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
